For some reason I’m finding it difficult to articulate how this meeting went. It seems to have brought up feelings that are new to me. When it started it felt like a dream, I couldn’t believe all these important people were there just for us and our nugget was actually going to come. But by the end I had procured a more accurate reality of what our future would be, and although I’d known most of it and kept it in the middle area of my mind – it was brought forward and put in the spotlight in a way I hadn’t done before. The nurse that had called me weeks ago was right in saying it would bring us comfort and ease our nerves – it did in most ways and continues to, but it also left some fog in its wake.
The new people we met were our neonatologist Michael van Manen who is someone I feel I will develop a great relationship with, he’s easy to talk to, personable and obviously interested in assisting us to success. Our neonatal social worker Amanda is also a great person – warm and comforting, she will be very helpful in many ways. Unfortunately a surgeon wasn’t involved in the meeting like I thought, but all of our other doctors will update them when the time comes. So the only people present were Dr. Hornberger (cardiologist), Dr. Chari (the parinatoligist we’d seen the day before), Dr. Van Manen (who will be in charge of our nuggets care right from birth), and Amanda the social worker. Even without the surgeon there I felt the whole team displayed the capability I was looking for for.
After talking with the whole team over video conferencing and getting everyone updated on what we already knew, we said goodbye to the others and were able to talk with just the neonatologist and social worker in person. That’s what I was waiting for because my current greatest anxieties lie with our girls care after she’s born. My heart breaks when I imagine her having to go away to the Stollery so soon after birth. I feel for her being whisked away from all she knows and comforts her and I feel completely selfish wanting her to stay with me and for Shawn to stay with me. The Stollery transport team will be in the delivery room to assist our nugget right away if necessary and get her ready for a calm and slow transfer by ambulance with no fast speeds, blaring sirens or jerking turns. I will be able to join them there around 4 hours later and I long for that to go by quickly. I realize it’s absolutely necessary to do it this way, but it doesn’t make it any easier, at least Shawn will be with her. It does help that he has committed to supplying me with pictures pretty much constantly during this time to keep me in the loop. There is a possibility that she could stay at the Royal Alex for a couple hours depending on how she’s doing, and the neonatologist said most babies go right to sleep after birth so I hope she follows suit. Once she’s hooked up to the necessary tubes and wires she’s expected to be in a stable condition until the surgery can be done. She’ll even be fed through IV until we can figure out the breast feeding part of this and that too will be given to her through a tube for the first while.
The second phase of the meeting is the tour of the NICU with the social worker. She explained the importance of hand washing in the unit and we proceeded to do that upon entering. The area was much different than either of us expected. I guess we were imaging a bright, cold, open room with beds in neat rows across an open space. In reality it was a dimly lit area with partitioned rows of cozy beds for the babies with individual heat lamps to regulate each ones temperature separately. There are rocking chairs available to roll over to the bedsides for cuddle time with the babies, and curtains to close yourself off if desired. When I inquired about holding our nugget, I was told that I shouldn’t need to ask and will be able to hold her anytime, of course there will be limitations occasionally depending on her hookups and owies. It seems like they try to make the NICU as comfortable as possible for both the babies and the parents.
Phase three was accommodations. Amanda had already confirmed my thoughts of utilizing the Ronald McDonald house during our hospital visit. We have been generously offered many places to stay in the city with family and friends and that is very much appreciated, I just feel this will be the best option for us being that it’s close to the hospital and less invasive and caters to our situation. We went over there after the meeting for a tour and were blown away by it! It’s obvious that so many people have donated time and support to this wonderful place. It is completely warm and inviting and has a wonderful spirit to it.
I will be able to stay at the Ronald McDonald house upon my ‘relocation’ 3 weeks prior to my due date, which will be June 4th, so I will be close to where I need to be when things start happening. I’m hoping the waiting time will be filled with doctors appointments because Shawn will still be working in the days and will only be able to be with me 4 nights a week. I’m planning on lots of books and movies and waiting and sleep – everyone says to sleep all you can before baby comes right? I’m not really sure what the third trimester brings regarding pregnancy so who knows what I’ll be up to.
All in all the meeting left me a bit wind blown both in positive and dark ways. As I sort through the information in these following days it’s slowly getting clearer for me. I imagine I’ll be emailing the neonatologist a few questions that he already answered for us, I knew I should’ve written more down.
Our Hearts Wish 