We had our latest ultrasound this past Wednesday and we get a different perinatologist every time. It’s a bit of a game between Shawn and I now where I make a guess at which one will see us each time (and have been right more than wrong, which I feel is worth mentioning). I really like almost all of them but dread seeing one in particular. Luckily this week wasn’t that one, nor could I have guessed because we’d never seen her before. In the past it has seemed like each one wasn’t sure that we knew what was happening with our baby and felt they needed to break the news to us again. Lately most of them just give us the ‘it’s all steady’ updates now and witness a relieved smile between Shawn and I, or may have even seen a slightly inappropriate low-five (a full high-five would’ve been completely inappropriate) after the ‘no hydrop’ conclusion. This doctor gave us the usual results but also made sure we were aware that this was a serious issue and doctors can only do so much and that there are limitations to what they can do. She was a bit of a Debbie downer and I left that appointment deflated. We always tell ourselves not to pay attention to anyone but the cardiologist when it comes to her heart but it’s tough sometimes. We realize it’s serious and that all she said was true but we are trying not to focus on the extremely negative and to make the choice to accept and revel in the smallest of victories.
We look forward to hearing things like she’s grown 7 ounces in 3 weeks. She may be measuring a bit small but is still in the proper range at 1 pound 14 ounces. That her heart rate is appropriate (even though half of it isn’t working properly). That her cystic hygroma is at a constant size and at least not growing. That she has no horseshoe kidney – which is a concern in Turners babies. That no hydrops are on the radar and all her other organs look good so far. These are the tiny victories we celebrate at each ultrasound.
By the time we see our cardiologist in a week and a half it will have been 6 weeks since seeing her last. This is our longest period between visits with her and I can’t wait to get back there. She has told us in the past that she sees no reason this baby won’t make it full term and we cling to that like a lifeline. I’m longing for her good attitude to combat the small dark cloud that lingers from the tiniest of naysayers and bits of bad thoughts that threaten my light.
Our Hearts Wish 
Tash, I’m so glad you started this! I think about you lots and have been wondering…
You’re such a great writer (Two peas in a pod, you and Shawn!) and I could see in my imagination everything you were writing. Actually laughed out loud at the image of your “slightly inappropriate low five”. 🙂 and you’re showing! How exciting is that? Do you look in the mirror at your little bump ALL DAY LONG? Love you, sweet friend…💕
You have a special way of lifting people up Angie, thank you! And I do seem to check out my belly on the regular! So much so that I need to rely on my belly button as a growth meter or I wouldn’t notice the change. I suppose that’s the same for most moms.
I have to laugh at this Tash because every pregnancy Bob very anxiously awaits my belly button popping out, somehow it is the measurement of the growing belly. Thanks for sharing your journey, be assured of our many thoughts and prayers!
Grow baby grow! Good job mom and dad!
Tasha, you have the most amazing family support and friends. We send our support around the world to you. You will be the best mom and dad Shawn. Love you!